– stressed & anxious but cover it with makeup –


greetings.. originally, I wanted this to be a cheery, first day of school makeup.. -that’s Prairie but, that ain’t gonna happen, because it’s just not.. and instead, I think I still really need to film this for myself.. because I think it’s gonna cheer me up I arrived today at 1-ish in the morning. but I didn’t end up sleeping so I’m starting with Laura Mercier primer I am in a messy room right now because my sister hasn’t moved out since she graduated, and Kira is moving in, so, her stuff came to my room which is okay, except for the fact that when I came
home, at 1 something in the morning, I didn’t have any sheets on my bed
because I believe my sister was using my sheets ..um yeah… ah…. my eyes just…. my gaze.. my gaze just fell onto a dead bug.. ..carcass. that brings me to my next point on my bed, was a large… bug.. ..corpse that thankfully, Kira was there to help me
remove it because I.. do not like exoskeletons I was trying to sort through some of these things this morning, and I saw an alive one, crawl across over there and.. I mentally told myself, you know calm down, there’s nothing to be afraid of you know you’re not gonna die I’m not gonna- it’s not like a situation where I’m.. really… I’m like “oh-” I don’t- -death by bug- that’s not the case. Prairie was on my table so I went over there and I was trying to calm down and distract myself and just look at her, and hug her and everything but it..mmmm it wasn’t helping and I couldn’t..
there was no sleeping after that I tried to go back to sleep, maybe, 3, 4 times? this entire morning, it’s really early right now. I’ve been going on and on about fucking bugs but.. it’s.. it’s… I’m sorry but you know what, I got that off my chest and I kind of feel better ? thanks for listening ? I’m putting on concealer first as a base. instead of that disgusting ass foam sponge that came with this, chucking that I’m using this silicon one by PUR, thank you for sending this to me PUR cosmetics, it’s so plush almost like flesh …so creepy and I’m just putting on a layer, of concealer surprisingly, it applies powder decently. but in the most important part for me is just how convenient it is to clean I can wash this every day, you literally rinse it off my hair has grown out, so before anybody rushes down to comment, um yes I’m aware, this could be Lord Farquaad material.. I literally can be Edna mode, or Lord Farquaad for halloween I thought that I left my straightener in New York but I found it! and I’m so happy as you know, Lilith has graduated, and she’s gonna stay home in California for a while. however, she is gonna come and put a lot of her things into storage who knows, she could end up finding a job on the East Coast. instead of putting brow gel, I just trim my brow hairs so, I left California yesterday and the reason why my flight is so close to the first day of classes, it’s not because I purposely wanted to wait until the last second, but it is because I got my wisdom teeth pulled out and I specifically had to go back in two weeks to get my stitches out- the sutures were
not the kind that dissolve I just noticed how freaking dark it is.. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t do that earlier.. so far, I’ve only been ranting, even though I wanted the undercurrent of this video to be overall encouraging.. I’ll get to that part I guess -but I’m still not done ranting ok if I were to make a pros and cons list, I’m so grateful to be here, to have shelter, my family, my friends, education the cons, I don’t even want to get into, it is not about listing and keeping track and right now, my cons is just I’m tired, I didn’t get sleep. I had school on my mind, and I couldn’t rest until I at least got got a head start of what I wanted to do in a day and since I couldn’t sleep it was like 3:00 in the morning when I got to bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to try to get some research done, which I actually did so, that was cool I’m using colourpop right now this is ‘jam out’, super shock shadow. I just thought that pink would naturally
complement I’m just gonna go for the bold look, try to pile it on as much as possible.. this is an eyeliner that I got I bought this.. ..a week ago, but I don’t have anything to apply it with this is that silicone glossier play brush I’m gonna really miss just being able to dress up and wear colorful things with with places to go everyday like going to class everyday and stuff I had a great travel day though by the way, it was a really pleasant flight, I didn’t have anyone to the left or right of me, and I was in the emergency aisle so, I… oh sorry *laughs* the exit aisle. I picked up a book called.. “Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine” I’m enjoying it, I think I got over halfway through. once I got home, everything just started to crumble because… I forgot to mention the part where I told maintenance, I think, two months ago.. that our shower tiles needed repairing because Kira was showering, and as she showered, the tiles just crumbled down to her feet. because the way that they plastered on was wrong you can tell by the residue that it left they covered it up with a tarp, and I texted the manager again today and said ‘can you please follow up on it, it’s
been two months’ and she said that she’ll send someone, so… let’s hope that he comes today! I’m going to bring in the baby you got peach palette by colourpop. I’m just gonna.. put that on later I’m still not the best at liquid eyeliner, and I often make it uneven.. so that’s why I’m not really talking much right now. it’s funny to think that I was actually pretty nervous for just school starting in general because I normally don’t have enough confidence in myself for some reason, and that’s something I’m working on ..to not be as passive when it comes to my work, to be more passionate and just let
that drive it, and not be… very turbulent whenever I feel I’m unsure about the
concept, or how to move forward and that’s a really tough part about being in a creative field just don’t be afraid.. of failing, or looking bad or looking dumb, or being looked down on.. just don’t be afraid. not gonna say that it doesn’t happen, or that it’s not gonna happen to you, but just don’t be afraid because it is so unfair to yourself to.. to cripple yourself in fear. ..please don’t relate this to my bug fear cuz it’s different great. oh my fu– now I’m gonna have to put more eyeshadow on there this poster is a good representation of me right now *hanging in there* I’m just being dramatic but, I know like I know the important things there are to know and I don’t mean to make anybody worry for me, I just been feeling really washed out YouTube wise, like for the last year, I don’t know everything got so routine, and, to be honest YouTube wasn’t.. fun for me, it was safe, it was routine, and it was… productive, but I don’t.. I wouldn’t say it was fun and that’s something I really missed. my sister and I started Pyperbleu and.. being able to do art and share with you is really fun and now we have a curated space just for that. YouTube is such a different place now but.. it’s kind of sad when when it becomes about the idea, ..literally the idea of success ..while I’m on that by the way, *tangent* I watched a video it was an interview with Wayne Thiebaud (painter) I actually wrote down what he said because it resonated with me. um, he said.. -I’m gonna wait for that truck. I wrote down what he said, because I
really liked it. *gasp* oh… crap I put on bronzer over the highlighter oh well too lazy, I’m not going back *sigh* wow, makeup does temporarily fix your troubles, you know it’s nice.. it’s therapeutic like painting on your face now that I feel a lot better, I wanted to bring you up to speed on some other things like now that I’m starting my final year, I’m gonna do my thesis, but for now I have a presentation on what I’m gonna work on just for fall and I’ll touch on that in the vlog because I did want to do a vlog this week ? I’m not sure if.. -that all depends on if I can get the Toronto vlog up. I’m starving ..so after I get ready I’m going to tidy up, do the things that I have on my to-do list, feed Prairie and just start my day. but, before that, I have to do my hair I want to texture my hair a little bit just curve it just at the top there, you see that? a bump that goes up? I really like how low-maintenance this hair is. I think it really suits me right now. it came out darker than I intended, but… I think it was a blessing in disguise because it’s exactly as my natural hair color so I don’t have to worry about my roots growing out, finally! *sigh* so I’m gonna have my natural hair color for a while until I get the itch to bleach it again. but that might not be for a long time who knows I turned it off oooh! yeah, I almost forgot! the last thing I wanted to wear today a perfume. Givenchy gifted this to me well over a month ago now, and I intended to film in California and use it there, but I still haven’t opened it because I’ve just been really behind on content and it stresses me out ..and it’s just gonna be a casual unboxing. this is the… *bad french pronounciation* -I can’t I can’t . *second attempt* *third attempt* ..I tried it smells very sweet, definitely something floral so this is the L’interdit edition couture haha- I knew it ! so it has the under note of a white flower every time you sniff it, it changes a little bit and it’s definitely reacting with my skin as well so now I’m gonna carry on with the rest of my day and this is my makeup look first day of the last year.. thank you so much nonetheless for keeping me company this morning, and I’m sending my love to you, I’ll see you very soon.. bye ! also, wish me luck in school, I wish you luck but, however, I just want to say that your school year and your work whatever it is it’s only as good as you make it, so you can make it a good year, you can work hard, be productive and that’s what I intend to do for mine, so yeah! we’re in this together so, I’ll see you soon.

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