3. S A D ⁄⁄ CatCreature

*jingle bell cartoon* hello hello, annabelle? yes? your order is here okay I’ll be right down. *watching the office* I was thinking just now about why do I
feel isolated at times, or when you know you have people in your life who are there to support you but also there’s times where it inevitably feels like reaching out and sharing those things comes with great responsibility to eventually make sure that like yeah don’t worry I’m fine in the end, or after they give you advice you’re like oh yeah thank you, you want them to feel rewarded for helping you, or something like that. all I wanted to say, to share with you on this platform is that.. some things are so stigmatized. you have the pressure to try your best to pretend- not even pretend, but just turn into someone who is independent, strong like okay, capable, productive, and this and that then suddenly like… disappointment is so stigmatized and I think that’s what was so liberating for me to have realized just now. I really admited to myself, I have my final review in one week you know, I only have a few days left and
this morning I went to do this at school. I guess it just really irks me and it
has been really weighing me down, that the truth of it is I’m just
really .. right now I’m disappointed with my work and that in no way means that I’m disappointed in myself, I’m allowed to be disappointed with my work. just because you’re capable of making great work, doesn’t mean you have to make
100% all the time great work and that every time you pick up your pen, you have to make the next masterpiece, or this work, or even for videos, like THIS video has to top the last video! I tell people casually, oh yeah I’m working at this really slowly or like yeah what I’m doing right now I’m not into it, or and then their reaction, which I understand is just like no! it’s great! what are you talking no you’re wrong! no!! but like… why can’t somebody just feel that? or think that? because maybe it’s the truth, maybe I can
be disappointed in my work and that will just encourage me to do
better next term or… whatever I’m doing that I don’t like right now I still have many decades in my life to make things that I truly truly feel like.. IS me, you know? on a more positive note, so this morning I went to the industrial
knitting machine, and my collection is based on the theme of whimsical sort of weird creatures. and I took a lot of the designs, like I had a lot of oval designs- from moths and butterflies wings, looking at that and how their markings are to emulate eyes which is supposed to scare off predators, or also help them camouflage and things like that. so I was taking those motifs and abstracting it and making certain textural fabrics. and I tend to be very graphic as a person, so with knitting I was trying to explore more structural, overall surface textural fabrics, and this is based on the eyes and I like how the wool puckers- I’m going to wash it and dry it so when it shrinks it will look even more green because they’re they’re gonna felt together. I was expecting the green and pink it to be a lot more vibrant but the fuzzy black yarn dulled it out so.. I think I’ve also been feeling it down because of S.A.D. the gloomy skies are… ..you know they affect everybody. everybody I hear complains about it and for some reason because it’s a cliché, it’s almost like okay get over it like no one
cares but maybe it’s legit like I just feel down. I’m really glad that I was able to tell you, sometimes I’m hesitant about sharing my problems because I’m afraid to worry people, or that they’ll come to me talking about it and I have nothing to say. um sometimes you should just share.. but you don’t have to follow up by saying like oh this problem is resolved! everything is fine ! I would just do my best, you know, as a promise to myself. as a student here in this apartment that I’m only gonna be in for half a year, with my two cats who are only going to be as old as they are now and just live my life and really enjoy it. I don’t want to keep thinking, when I
graduate I’ll be happier or I’ll be less stressed out when I graduate. there’s always going to be stuff that stresses us out.. so.. I just want to be present. I’m trying. the best thing I can do for Bambi is just completely ignore him so he’s not nervous. mug from MoMA, courtesy of savers. you’re sitting on it! I have been processing orders of Lilith’s collection. today our prints are going off to Germany, Canada, Canada, Ukraine, California… …Pennsylvania, Arizona, Oregon, ..and the UK. this is the first time I’m wearing skinny jeans in maybe two years? I found my own skinny jeans while I was cleaning the closet the other day and I want a snug silhouette in order to
wear this oversized long sweater and, skinny jeans would allow me to wear my knee-high boots which I haven’t worn in two years either. I’m so not used to it. I mean it’s flexible… but I’m just not used to feeling a tightness around my knee that was a nice short trip and it was sunny out so riding the bike was really good. I like how I don’t have to deck out and dress super warm, I always dress just a little bit cooler because when I ride my bike uphill, I get quite sweaty or my heart rate is really fast. I tried to visit my friends at impact everything, but they have holiday hours so they’re actually not open and I got some cards for my family from the gift shop. and I also found this other thing, okay.. I’m trying not to buy as much random shit now I always focus on what do I actually need and then I would happily make a purchase . that’s kind of what happened today so in the sale section, I got- my I was caught by this thing.. and not only is it knit, it’s yellow, and it says John lemon, and it’s a lemon. which is my aesthetic fruit. I really like lemons even though I cannot.. I could not eat lemons. I do like artificially lemon flavored things, like starbursts but the other day I got a lemon ginger tea for my throat and I was with Kat at this cafe (this vegan cafe) and oh my gosh… I tried. okay I’m not a tea drinker and I’m not a
fruit tea drinker, but I told myself… try new things. I was going to barf. what is this? well it is a water bottle sock whoa, why the hell do you need that? right? well, I feel like maybe this is just designed for novelty reasons but, this is actually something I was thinking about for so long! I’m gonna wear it like this im kidding. I mean I would at least get 2 if I was gonna wear it like this.. I have this water bottle that I’ve been using for a long time now I got this on my flight to school in September and I I don’t really purchase single-use plastics but this was given to me. maybe you saw it on my story because I asked for sparkling water and then she came back with a big bottle of water cus I think she misheard me? I like that this is bigger than a lot of bottles so it carries so much water and I did research on this, because I know some people are going to flare up and say oh it’s so dangerous or don’t do that or this and that but a lot of the rumors about it being really toxic came from this 2001 master student’s essay that came from.. I can’t remember, maybe University of Ohio or something so that was like 18 years ago, it was never peer-reviewed or published in a scientific journal, anyway it’s also like the type of plastic. I can’t remember what PET stands for.. polyethylene… telepha… I… I’m not a scientist this is hilarious though because Coca Cola’s attempt to say, oh we care they made 30 percent of this plastic plant based but I mean why can’t you just make it 100 percent? I read on their site and they said like, oh yeah ! we’re so innovative we came up with a way to make it 100 percent and we even showcased it in Milan or whatever but yeah.. they’re not doing it yet. there’s definitely precautions to take, if your plastic is decaying or cracked, or it’s getting white and foggy, or you’re leaving in the sun, then it’s definitely risky um but I don’t have a car, I never leave this in the sun, I’m only using it in my room or I bring it occasionally to class, and I like that it’s so light. *gasp* amazing! that’s the thing you know these days, I saw so many documentaries talking about the reality of recycling in this that and like I guess recycling is taking a whole new meaning now. I think plastic is a great innovation, it’s just that we have made it so integral to our convenience, it’s just like.. almost free in our minds that we just throw it away, right? but like what if we just treat it more preciously then.. if you reuse it or.. I mean I guess you should reduce, which is true but then also reuse when you can. yeah by the way I do wash this bottle as well. I have like one of those water bottle brushes. I’ll link it if you’re interested. this is amazing! so now I don’t have to worry about looking ugly cus I always hate seeing it on my desk. the green goes with the green leaf, too! also got some other stuff but I’m not
gonna show you or else the people I’m gonna give it to will know. so let’s do crochet until… …two? -then I’m gonna do the dishes, clean… clean.. clean the kitchen. oh my so it’s 9. today has just gone by with barely any footage and I was supposed to be drawing.. a second sketch for one of my project presentations and I got bored. so then I started drawing something else for FUN, which, still doing, but I really shouldn’t.. I’ll show you when I’m done but I’m enjoying myself. our Thanksgiving break just really threw
things off this year because normally when we have that week and we come back, we have two weeks of schoo l before the final presentation but this year we only have one. I realized that this time next week I will be completely done ! and all I have to do is go to bed and prepare for my flight! but.. yeah. I need to get myself together. hold on that’s my sister. I needa wash my hair! oh, I was supposed to get dry shampoo today and I have not. I’ll wash it tomorrow morning. my hope is that I can wake up early. I was so tired for some reason at 7:30pm.. but I’m gonna go to bed soon. feels good to be cleaned up, ready to go to bed. hopefully I can get up pretty early. I’m guessing that’s a very beautiful sunrise but.. we can barely see it.
*laughs* bambi, look it’s the sunrise. when I wake up in the mornings, I first turn on my magenta lights because I think it’s softer on the eyes. getting up early is one way I battle seasonal depression because I get more light time in a day. so around 6:30, which means I experience 9 hours of daylight whereas if I got up at 10, then I would have 5 hours. all along I thought that the original
soymilk I bought was unsweetened, the red carton- it was the only other one available other than vanilla. and then I went to a different grocery place, and Kat was telling me how they actually add sugar and I checked and yeah there’s like eight grams or something! like *scoffs* .. hmm makes a difference. yeah, I mean, of course. but it.. allows the flavors of the coffee to come through instead of the soy milk. so it’s actually preferable. Bambi look what you did, huh? you got so excited.. you messed everything. gosh. *sigh* he saw something, and was like OMG! and just- well at least he feels bad. yeah do you feel remorse? for what you did to me? huh? I have been working on this crochet. slow progress. but it is lunch now I stir-fried up some cabbage. everything else was the same as last time I showed you. but I’m gonna take a break, and I’m gonna watch the marvelous mrs. Maisel while I eat because season 3 came out today on prime video and that show is very entertaining so that is it to this week’s december daily, thank you for tuning in again. wait- the 3rd December daily, cus it’s every other day so I will see you in a day and
a half. as you can see my voice is kind of coming back which I’m very excited about. because part of why maybe I wasn’t feeling as festive when listening to Christmas music, I couldn’t get in the mood because I couldn’t sing along. *BABY PLEASE COME HOME* I mean.. now I am mostly completely recovered, which is great. tell me how you’ve been doing, I hope that you have a great rest of your day! until I see you next, rest well and take care.

79 thoughts on “3. S A D ⁄⁄ CatCreature

  1. Enjoyed your video! I understand disappointment — I crashed AND burned at my piano recital performance a couple of nights ago. I know I can play my Chopin piece better but once I failed in getting my fingers place correctly, it was a 60-second tonal disaster! The audience was kind and for that I am truly grateful! But I am disappointed that I did not showcase my hard-earned skill better. But I like to think that my failures allow me to recognize my successes! It will not be my last recital so I will get a chance for redemption! Still, disappointment stings. Regarding SAD, people in the Nordic countries go for months without sun. During these "dark times" they developed a set of rituals reserved to make their interior lives cozy and special — like lighting candles, comforting scents (like pine), special food dishes (gingerbread cookies and hot chocolate laced with peppermint schnapps) — anything special and precious enough to the make the dark days more welcoming. For example, I do almost all of my knitting and english-paper piecing (a quilting technique) during the winter months. These are activities I look forward too and something I can do while I watch TV or talk with friends. By spring, I have a new sweater and a new quilt. For the quilt label I will write something like "Winter 2019/2020 — I was missing my Dad, I played Chopin both well and badly, and I planted fabric flowers as I waited for Spring." To everything there is a season, honor that and be grateful. Good luck with your finals!

  2. I would like to just say how much I appreciate not just you but your hard work on these videos. The videos you make are so beautifully shot and edited. Like the professional level of your videography is just so amazing and fantastic. The beginning of this video literally made me feel like I clicked on a short film. And your travel vlogs are so stunning. They feel so personal yet theatrical and immersive. I feel so honored that you allow us to take a look at your life. Thank you so much.

  3. I know how you feel. Truly. This year has just not been my year and the seasonal affective disorder is insult to injury. I especially hate it when people try to invalidate how I feel, as if I’m not allowed to feel upset at myself for something I did. Like, no. Let me grieve. Let me be sad.

    You’re not alone, Annabelle.

  4. I love how real you are in this video. I appreciate how bold you are with your content.
    I am also in a creative rut right now with my art and this really helped me

  5. Bambi feeling bad and going to the corner is the cutest thing ever, my dog used to do that as well when she got into trouble haha. Your talk in the beginning, alike everyone else, really resonated with me too and as you said in the previous vlog about your poem recital, I really admire your guts to share your thoughts onto the internet bc not everyone has it!! <333 Have a lovely day annabelle!!!xoxo

  6. what size are u wearing for the yellow sweater u designed in the beginning! i think ima treat myself for christmas!!

  7. Hey Annabelle it's one of your silent viewers XD just wanted to say I understand how you feel about your work and then also the tie in of seasonal depression. I actually just graduated from SVA also an college here in New York. I actually started watching your videos when you were a freshman and I was a sophomore xD so I relate so much there aren't a lot of art college people here on youtube. Definitely I've always battled even now working in my field about my work and being disappointed in it and not liking how its coming out, its such a large battle as an artist to accept and sometimes overcome. Also I feel like I went through more of seasonal depression in college because you feel like your in this massive bubble of just school and school work and you don't have time to be able to enjoy the holidays till you finally get to see your family so I relate a lot. I'm trying to really enjoy my first Christmas out of college and take in all the cheer and joy and whimsy. But anyway I've talked enough xD you'll get through it believe me and soon find your Christmas cheer!

  8. I love that even with seasonal depression, we can all try and see/feel joy with the little things. Life is full of rough patches but the fact that we can try and make the patch softer by putting a band-aid on it, or sanding it to be smooth (idk metaphors man), we can take the things that we enjoy doing and it helps, a lot. Thank you for making these <3 I hope that you feel better, and I hope that anybody reading this (if anybody does lol, probably not) knows that they are wonderful, and remember to try and enjoy life! (idk man im sorry if i offend anybody with this, i needed to get that off my chest)

  9. annabelle, thank you so much for the videos you put out – especially your December Dailies. as a college student, late November and early December always seem to bring some feelings of depression, and these help tremendously. i have been watching these as my study breaks as i also have my finals/projects due this coming week! thank you for your motivation :')

  10. The disappointment clip reminds me sooo much of when I say that I want to start working out and people say I’m not fat. Like 1. I’m not confident so it doesn’t matter if I’m “not fat”, and 2. Lord forbid anyone wants to exercise because they want the health benefits!
    I just hate how people will always say stuff like “you aren’t ugly”, “you aren’t fat”, “you’re not a failure”, etc. Because it’s annoyingggg let me feel how I feel

  11. you are strong, annabelle 🙂 one second we can be crying and wanting to rip everything to shreds, and then the next we are putting on our shoes and stepping out the door. we are capable of so much even when we feel the worst

  12. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Sometimes when friends tell us their problems and talk about being disappointed in their work, their current state of being, etc. it’s just as important to simply listen and let them know they have every right to feel that way rather than giving them assurances that their work is good enough. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us talk about what’s bothering us and not offer solutions but just be there for us. I hope that makes sense ♥️

  13. i feel you so much cause this how i feel right now, i'm a graphic designer but this semester i have nothing in my mind to do it's feel like i lost my creativity or my passion but i still have a feeling that everything will be fine at the end so please don't give up on yourself stay strong and beautiful💙

  14. you couldn't have picked a better time to upload this, just what I needed to hear. <3. Thank you so incredibly much. take care of yourself.

  15. when you talked about being disappointed in your own work i really felt that , so yesterday i saw my grade in my graduation project and i really didn't like it like i was really down , my professor told me from the begging of this semester is that my graduation project is gonna be the worst project i would do in my entire academic career in uni and thats totally fun cause from that you would grow and make better one outside uni and you will be pro in doing it and even teaching about it , this is what what he told me . still , its 4AM in my country and i still got two FINAL finals to go and i did not study yet cause im really mad about my grade ! and at the end thank you for this lovely blog to make me forget about it

  16. Hey Annabelle! Thanks for making these videos. The regular uploads must be super hectic and time-consuming with your busy schedule and I hope you know they're much appreciated. Seeing you talk about SAD made gave me validation for my own similar state of mind. I'm a final-year uni student too and the ongoing exams are gruelling. Videos like this make me feel understood and less like I'm confined. Lots of love!

  17. Such relatable words Annabelle. I’ve been working on a write up for online,about the work I do….and I’ve been avoiding it lately.Every time I turn on my laptop,I keep thinking “I’ve got to write the whole essay”…but I don’t. Doing 20 minutes is okay. Doing 10 minutes is okay.
    It’s nice to hear someone else realize the same thoughts sorta..

  18. I just graduated with my Art BA in June, and having to go through a year of senior thesis work with my other studies and financial/admin stress breathing down my neck, I hit such a low low point. Hearing you say it's okay to feel disappointed about your work is reassuring to me because I know I'm not the only one who felt/feels it (I still feel that way even in trying to become a practicing artist). Also a cool side note, my concept revolved around my deep phobia of moths, and you saying that you looked into moth and butterfly wings and their eye-like patterns is really cool! I'd like to know how you drew meaning from them just to see the vast commentary they can take on. But anyways, even after graduating I still feel disappointed, I hope that isn't discouraging. It gives me hope and peace, because that means I still have room to grow and create new work and not have to hold myself up to societal pressures on what a practicing artist should be. Thank you for showing that you are real, and just know that one piece of work leads to another. <3

  19. thank you for this. I just changed my major to graphic design and having unrealistic expectations from myself and others in my studio arts classes have been so overwhelming and your words reminded me to be okay with taking things slow. love watching you always

  20. I totally can relate. 😭 On my last year of Graphic Design, sometimes I feel really down & uninspired. I'm tired of teacher giving me opinions. Oh and the seasonal depression is real. I didn't do anything yesterday 🙁 I'm ready to graduate

  21. I love how down to earth you always are. Been here since before your acceptance into uni. Will love to see your current makeup routine talked through and also on how you go about your wardrobe! 🙂

  22. I’m allowed to be disappointed with my work. that sentence made me literally cry.. As an art school student, I can really feel it and I realised that what you said, disappointment thing is what I really wanted to hear these days… thank you so much for sharing your thoughts ⭐️

  23. This video was so beautiful, I cried a little bit. The aesthetic hit me hard and I absolutely adore and support you. I think, the message you conveyed with this video is so important, eventhough it probably wasnn't planed, but thank god it was there.

  24. Oh annabelle my heart resonates with you. It doesn’t help that I live in England (it’s dark ALL the time), just graduated this November (but have no motivation/energy to apply for jobs) so I’m just stuck in this weird, dark, sleepy limbo of sadness

  25. thank you so so so much for this !!! I started uni in September and it's been the hardest time of my life! I totally feel the same way with my work; having never really struggled with my work previously uni hit me like a train its been hard to deal with my work not being good or not doing things right. It's so irritating how we are expected to constantly be perfect when uni should be about learning! we are all still learning 🙁

  26. Just FYI, to research I guess, apparently playing with a lazer with cats makes them paranoid because they can't actually catch the red dot and feel frustrated
    I didn't search any more into it so yeah but just, I thought I should say it

  27. Thank you for sharing these thoughts and moments with us Annabelle <3 As a college student, I can relate to having a hard time with mental health, especially during finals. Your videos warm my heart and make me feel so cozy and good during this winter time~ Wishing you a good rest of your week!

  28. 🦋 Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable with us; your videos are always a pick-me-up especially during these last few days of the semester

  29. Not be sound sadistic but Bambi's remorseful face was so cute. And that small nature documentary like segment after that was just precious.

  30. tho' i live at a place that does not experience seasons but i do also get "seasonal depression" if you will. so i just want to send you a virtual hug. <3

  31. TRIGGER WARNING When I went to the hospital last year because I wanted to kill myself, and then returned, someone said to me "I didn't think you could be suicidal" because of my generally bubbly outer appearance. In reality, I've only developed that because it protects me from breaking down crying which is what I want to do most of the time. I am inherently a goofy, fun person but my mental illness and past trauma has haunted me for a long time and people don't want to hear about any of that. I was able to have a really meaningful text conversation with someone about it last night because this weekend I felt really, really down. I have depression as is and I live in Michigan so SAD makes it even worse. SAD is legitimate and it's not something that should be taken lightly. I feel the same way as you. People deserve to have a space where they can express their sadness or frustration without someone immediately taking those feelings, tossing them aside, and going "we can FIX THIS". Our feelings are not projects we're sharing with others to fix them. You deserve to be rooted in those feelings and just be hugged and not have to feel like every bad feeling needs to be promptly fixed with a Life Band-Aid. If you've seen Inside Out, they do an incredible job of explaining this. Feelings matter. And you are so, so fucking brave for sharing yours, Anna. I really mean that. You help me and I know others feel the same.

  32. I needed this so much, I am going through this right now and it’s terrible. I really appreciate this video and have watched it several times to reassure myself that I’m not the only one. I hope you feel better ♥️

  33. hi annabelle,

    I don't really comment on videos, more often because I'm not sure what to say. When I watched this and saw you feeling torn about feeling particular feelings it resonated with me because I was similarly having a crisis this week about the same thing. It validated me, and I really appreciate being able to witness your thoughts and feelings. You're multi-faceted and I enjoy watching you create things because I'm eager to see where your ever-expanding artistic vision will go. Thank you for all you do, truly.

  34. oh bb, remember to take vitamin d supplements, about 1000-2000 units! it helps a lot with seasonal depression and lethargy! i always feel like that too, this year especially sinceim taking accutane and its makingmy mood really down but i started taking vitamin d capsules and the last few weeks ive been feeling a bit better. take care! <3

  35. I suffer from seasonal depression bc I have bipolar disorder, and girl I feel you.
    You are an adorable, inspiring and beautiful human being, keep going !
    You are allowed to be sad, to feel down, to slow down. Keep in mind all the precious things you have, I mean your family, friends and bf, your cats…
    And remember everything is temporary. You'll get through this ❤️

  36. Hi Annabelle !
    Don’t worry you’re not the only one, I too hate to get up after 10, I guess it’s just because it feels like so much of the morning has been wasted so I always try to get up early and eventually i get used to it (especially because of getting up early for school) anyways I hope you enjoy the end of the year !
    kisses from France ❤️

  37. im currently a freshman in an art college, and this video genuinely spoke to me on a level that i didnt think a video could understand. i am constantly disappointed in my work, and with finals rolling around i feel as though it is so important for me to understand that theres is something to be proud of in getting the work done. thank you!!! thank you

  38. Just finished my masters this year and I am unemployed, living with my parents and eating off my dad's pension. I topped the class, passed the National Eligibility Test, which happens here in India, so I can apply to be a lecturer in any college I want. But I am here, taking a break and just letting myself be somewhere I really am learning to not care about society and the expectations they have from me, which turn into me forcing myself to do things to make others shut up. I am learning in this time that its okay to be unsure about the future, to be unemployed yet be hopeful that you can have a great job if I just try hard, and that a job won't define me. Yes. Believing that gets hard sometimes when all your friends have internships and jobs or are freelancing. But I am just seeing more of what I want as everyday I learn to accept myself.

  39. I think this video is so meaningful to me. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety a few years back and this video makes me feel that i can be this way and it's ok to feel that way. So, thank you for making this. I hope you're having a wonderful day.

  40. Your content is the most refreshing, different and unique content i've seen on youtube, and that's why I always enjoy your vlogs.. They're calm but not boring, fun but not overwhelmingly so and just perfect! Et j'aime vraiment le nom de ton chat (Bambi) <3 je pense que je nommerai mon chat Bambi aussi hehe love you

  41. As an art student, I feel like due to the nature of the institution, most of the work i've been making isn't really for myself, most of it is for everyone else to see, to criticise, and I try to do my best to make work that will receive the most positive response. This mindset has actually given me a lot of anxiety and has led me to become unmotivated because I am unable to enjoy my work whilst I am constantly comparing myself with my peers. I realised that the work I am making should be for myself, and that it is most important for me to be proud of my own work.

  42. Hi! To be honest this video helped me so much. I feel the same as you, and I definitely understand. You made me realize that sometimes is necessary to be sad or angry. No one is perfect and from our mistakes we learn. Thank you for this! ✨

  43. I’ve been watching you for years and you never fail to fill me with so much comfort but also motivation ❤️ Your words about stigmatization surrounding disappointment & “negative” emotions were immaculate. Thank you for being so real xoxo

  44. Your self-awareness is something I've always related to, though I still thought I'd share this small bit of advise I've been saying to my friends a lot recently: the bad/sad days make to good days so much better.

  45. someone once told me that your best isn’t going to be the same everyday. i ain’t perfect but I try to remember that esp when I get disappointed.

  46. Omg I really like that show as well!! It really is entertaining and empowering. Also this video was very relatable, thank you so much for sharing

  47. I'm so fascinated by your cats they are .. their own characters. They convey so much emotion and narrative the way they stare at you while you dance like "what is this weird human doing again?"

  48. I get really bad seasonal depression too :/ I can’t wait for Christmas break so I can hopefully re group myself 🥴

  49. The bit at the beginning where you talk about reaching out to others really hit home!

    I've been having a tough time recently but haven't been sharing how I feel with family/friends because when I do they tend to give me advice/comforting words and I'm left just having to say thank you and that I will try it – and I do, but I ultimately just need time, but it's a harsh reality for people who love you to accept that you will be hurt for some time and that they can only do so much to help. It kind of feels like I have one 'please help me' token per person in my life, and because of this I try to 'save' my tokens up for when things are really bad. Like you said 'you want them to feel rewarded for helping you' – so we end up not sharing our feelings again so they feel comforted by being able to help.

    Anyway, I really hope you are looking after yourself, and thank you for sharing your feelings with us and being so vulnerable.

    Lots of love X

  50. even if you think the bottle can't be toxic. it's maybe better to purchase a nice water bottle for using longer? just to be sure.

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